Beauty... skin deep?

I am 27 years old.  Until about 3 years ago, I have always felt uncomfortable in my own skin.  As a child, I was slim, energetic, bright- but painfully shy.  I had a problem with my front teeth so I was too afraid to smile.  I hated talking to grown-ups and I didn't easily make friends, always too afraid to join in.  Nothing my parents did could change it, it's just the way I was made.  I grew into an awkward teenager, although I had plenty of friends by then I never felt I 'belonged'.  Food was my enemy and for a few scary years I battled with some serious issues, starving myself of the nutrients my body needed to grow healthily in an effort to be thinner, to fit in.  I can remember my Mum saying, as she force fed me chinese food, "you may hate me now, but you'll thank me years from now when you're still alive".  Mum- you were so right, thank you.  I owe you my life in so many ways!


In my late teens I was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease.  For those unfamiliar with this illness, it is a bowel disease, incurable, but treatable with ongoing medication.  It was very debilitating for a number of years, making my A-levels almost impossible to sit and rendering me housebound.  My friends and family were amazing, I was never alone and slowly but surely, with a cocktail of medication helped me back to health. I lost so much weight with this illness, the former me would've been proud- but looking in the mirror was painful.  I looked ill.  I was bony and pale and my skin was sore and broken, my hair falling out.  It took a long time to rebuild my self-esteem to it's previous already low level and get back out there to live a 'normal' life.
Today- I am healthy.  My Crohn's has now been in remission for a year- the future is looking bright.  I have put on more weight than I should over the last few years, my skin has good and bad days much like the rest of the female population.  I have fat days, bad hair days, 'I have nothing to wear!' days- but everyday I feel content with me.  My husband is a big part of this- he appreciates me just the way I am, as I do him, and every day he makes me feel special and loved.  I finally feel comfortable in my own skin, with who I am.  i sing with a band- don't get me wrong, I see and hear the talent of my band mates and I'm envious... but I also give myself a pat on the back and say, 'You know what? You're up there doing it.  Give yourself a break, you're doing ok'.  I'm no longer afraid to get up and sing my heart out for all to hear.  I choose clothes that flatter my shape, because for now, this is how I look so I'm going to make the most of it.  I may have a big bum, but my boobs are fab!  I have tattoos- more than the average lady, but each one of them means something to me- has a happy memory attached and I love them- no matter what other people may think.  They make me feel beautiful when I'm doubting myself and feeling 'plain'.

Love yourself, so others can.  Appreciate the good bits, don't dwell on the negatives.  You can be and do whatever you want to- don't be put down. 

Please leave me a comment- what makes you feel good about yourself?  It's ok to say it out loud! x