Wednesday, 21 March 2012

New beginnings...

So... it's been a while!  My last posts haven't been overly happy ones.  For those of you that aren't 'regular' readers, let me recap...

I married the wonderful Mr T in September last year- a happy occasion, but this was surrounded by worry as I had been found to have CIN 3 cells after a smear test and needed urgent treatment.  We moved the wedding forward to allow for a short honeymoon before facing the music and going in for my op.

Thankfully, all went well- but then came the next blow.  We had to part with our best friend Mackie, our chocolate lab.  Our situation had changed and both Mr T and I were working long hours far from home and we couldn't give her the life she deserved anymore.  We lucked upon the perfect home for her and she has settled very well with her new family and new home- our baby Mack has grown up and moved out and left a HUGE space in our home and our hearts.

Christmas came and went, tricky on a tight budget, but we spent time with family, the 3 goblins thoroughly enjoyed themselves and all was well.  I had made a full recovery and the results of my surgery came back all clear, so things were finally looking up.  I decided to get fit and join my Dad in his training for K2B (see his blog, so New Year, new start!

The first walk was great- we covered about 8 miles only stopped by an old injury of mine that lead me home sooner than I would've liked.  The next week was better, we covered 12 miles but I wasn't feeling great.  Hot, dizzy and full of flu I was glad to have made it but even glader to see my bed!  I promised myself I'd do better next week and so off we went again, up and down the cliffs, really working hard.  Pleased with a great effort I made my way home only to find myself feeling dizzy and hot again.  I stumbled through the front door to see Mr T looking at me a little concerned.
"Are you ok? You don't look well..."
"I'm fine, I just need a snooze."
"Can I get you anything?"
"Actually yes please- sausages."
"Sausages?  Like a sausage sandwich?"
"Er... no.  Just a bowl of sausages, thanks."

And so I made my way up to bed, scoffed a bowl full of sausages and fell asleep- lovely.

Almost a week after this, I'd been to Glasgow for a work thing for a couple of days.  I loved it, a really worthwhile trip but by the time I returned on the Friday I was exhausted.  I called Pa, made my excuses and ducked out of training- I'm just so tired... one week off won't hurt.

I'm just so tired.  SO tired.  Why am I so tired?

I bought a pregnancy test.  I did the pregnancy test.  I showed the result to Mr T.

"Is that a 2nd line?"
"Could be... it's very faint."
"Maybe I left it too long."

I didn't sleep.  All night.  At. All.

The next day I popped out for a digital test- just in case.

I watched the little hour-glass turn around and around.  And around.  And around.  I cursed the little hour-glass...


Unbelievable- we were so excited, so overwhelmed after fears that I may not even be able to have children following my op!

So here we are- 20 positive tests later and 12 weeks along, one healthy, wriggly baby T on the screen as we have our scan!  I couldn't be happier, Mr T is being amazingly understanding as I morph into evil-witch-from-hell and back again on an hourly basis! 

I worry every day- the baby is (obviously) not even here yet and I am incredibly protective and defensive already when it comes to my little seedling!  I now realise that I will always worry and care for this child every day for the rest of my life, no matter how old it gets.  It is already costing me money and causing me pain and yet I wouldn't change a second of it for the World.  I will continue to blog my journey through pregnancy with the honesty and humour I hope you are used to.  I will also bore you with pictures of my 'alien' child and ever-growing bump... here are a few to start you off (12 week scan, 10 week bump, 12 week bump)

Yes- I'm only having one.  Yes- it will probably weigh as much as a cow.  Yes- I'm terrified!

But it's all good, life is good.  Bad things happen- but so do good things.  Let's cling to those! xx