Wednesday, 26 August 2015

One for the Daddies

Mr T and I are somewhat traditional in our roles, in that he goes to work to pay the bills and I raise the children and run the house.  By 'run the house' I mean I attempt to keep up with the chores and do a weekly online shop so that nobody starves... it pretty much works.  Now, I am truly grateful that I have the opportunity to be at home and raise my children.  I realise that we are in a fortunate position that we can manage and Mr T is a fantastic breadwinner, husband, father.  Sometimes, however, he commits the odd blunder that makes my blood boil.  Now, he is not insensitive or selfish, he just somewhat lacks judgement on occasion.  This post is to help out any Daddy's out there sharing a house with a stay at home Mumma- read carefully, it may just make life that little bit more harmonious!

When you get home at the end of the long working day, we appreciate that you have most likely had a busy and stressful day- but we are so relieved to see you!  That extra pair of hands to help at bedtime makes all the difference, especially if Mumma is outnumbered by Littles.  DO NOT come home, excite the children with your presence and proceed to run a bath unless this is followed by the sentence "There's a bath waiting for you darling, I'm doing bedtime tonight- off you go!".  You may stop to notice that she is wearing the same clothes as yesterday, her hair is embarrassingly greasy and she has fantasised about soaking in that tub in a similar fashion to the way you look at Taylor Swift in music videos- yes, we notice that.

When you're feeling a bit peckish but no meal has materialised, by all means, DO go ahead and rustle up a snack.  But be warned, DO NOT stuff your face without providing a similar snack for Mumma and the Littles because guess what?  There is no dinner on the table because she has been flat out keeping the kids alive dammit!  She is unlikely to be thinking, 'ah, it's been a tough day, I think we'll eat later tonight, say around midnight, so I can finish the laundry first. I mean, I'm not even hungry...'  She is more likely to have survived the day on toast crust and dribbly biscuit remnants cast aside by the Littles because there is no time for cooking!

Heading out for a beer with the lads? No problem.  Sometimes we relish the chance to take control of the remote and watch some truly mind-numbing atrocious entertainment on the box.  DO go ahead and make plans, just let us know in advance that you won't be around and we'll plan accordingly.  Hell, we'd do the same if we had an ounce of energy left!  However, DO NOT, on your way out send a text stating that you're really not feeling it and you'll be home in two hours tops.  This alters our plans and we might find ourselves thinking, 'ah well he wanted to see this film too, I'll wait.' or, 'he didn't eat before he left, maybe he'll want some pizza too, I'll just hang on for him to get in'.  If you're going out, stay out.  We both know that you will get the taste after the first pint, the Archbishop of Banterbury will arrive and you will soon forget that you weren't up for it after all.  Rather than texting and saying 'I'm having a laugh babe, home late after all' you make the situation so much worse by convincing yourself that you really will be coming home early and continue to text 'leaving after this pint'.  Remember that we are getting angrier with every pint you consume and it's all your own doing.  DO be honest gents, we appreciate it more than you would think!

The weekend arrives, no more work for two whole days- fantastic! Who doesn't love a weekend?  Nope, not us, Mummas love it when you're around to help with the Littles because- they are yours too!  That's right- DO get stuck in.  DO NOT ask what you should do or even worse, wait to be asked!  They belong to us both, you may have clocked off but just remember that I can't.

While we're on the subject of weekends, yes your alarm is switched off, good for you.  You will do well to remember that mine have no off switch.  They still wake with the sun rise and though you don't hear them, the word 'weekend' has no meaning to these creatures we adore so much.  DO NOT fall asleep on the couch during the day and snore loudly.  I know its your day off, but Mummas are not allowed this luxury.  You will do well to remember that sleep is currency now that you have Littles- and you my friend, are already heavily in debt.  If your Littles are of an age where they still require sustenance throughout the night, that debt is higher still.  DO volunteer to do your share of night feeds and chances are, we'll happily send you off for a nap to thank you for returning our sanity.

Obvious, right?  I'm just wondering how many Mummas are reading this and thinking 'yes! Why does he do that?!'  Daddas... we know you mean well, we also know that hints don't work so well so read it, re-read it and go run that lady a bubble bath because she will love you all the more for it!  Happy wife, happy life...

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